Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
