Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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