you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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