I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
