i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize