dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
