i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
