I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
