Midget sex pt 2 tonight
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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