U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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