The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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