Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?