my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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