I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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