i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
