dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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