You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
4 words: hood of his car
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
