He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
