You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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