Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
