i will never coherently bang her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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