Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
