Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
