Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
