My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize