Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
