so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
