All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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