i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
