Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
