The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The beer is more important than you right now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
