You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
