things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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