Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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