Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
