is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
