News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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