My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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