You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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