Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
