talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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