he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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