i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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