i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
