I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
