It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
be right there i have to get my cape
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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