I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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