i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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