She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
too bad you live with your parents still
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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