forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
