Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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