I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would fuck him just for his dog
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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