While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
