I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sarcasm needs its own font
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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