You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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