well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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