There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
