Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
