Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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