kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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