so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
