Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
