So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
