didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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