my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
