Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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