You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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