How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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