The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
