I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize