Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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