Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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