if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
