I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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