i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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