I puked a lego.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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