his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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