reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am available for nakedness
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
