good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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