I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
