I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
